No! No! Neuroma!

Previously, I talked about having a neuroma.  It used to be a little irritating, but it really didn’t affect my lifestyle much.  Things have changed enough that I want to share the situation with other amputees and those that love us.  Let’s start with the basics.  What exactly is a neuroma?

The Amputee Coalition of America defines it as: “A neuroma is a collection, or bundle, of nerve endings that forms under the skin of your residual limb. Think of it like a tangle of hair. It can become very sensitive, especially if the tangle is pressing against your prosthesis”.

The Association of Children’s Prosthetic-Orthotic Clinics (ACPOC) gives this definition: An “amputation neuroma” is a nonneoplastic tumor occurring at the central end of a cut nerve as the nerve fibers or axons grow from the open proximal end and become incorporated in fibroblastic tissue derived from supporting elements of the nerve or from adjacent traumatized muscle or fascia. This proximal neuroma begins immediately after the laceration and requires several weeks or months before becoming a mature, circumscribed, nonproliferating mass. The neuroma may become firmly attached to surrounding soft tissue or bone, resulting in a traction stimulus each time this segment of the extremity is moved. Traction, percussion, or emotional stimuli cause a painful, unpleasant sensation. When the neuroma is stimulated, paresthesias, usually described as “pins and needles,” occur along the course of the normal dermatome or myotome, in addition to pain produced directly at the point of pressure.

Massachusetts General Hospital uses this description:  “A neuroma is a disorganized growth of nerve cells at the site of a nerve injury. A neuroma occurs after a nerve is partially or completely disrupted by an injury — either due to a cut, a crush, or an excessive stretch. The neuroma is a ball-shaped mass at the site of the injury, which can be painful or cause a tingling sensation if tapped or if pressure is applied. Although not always the case, a neuroma can be extremely painful and can cause significant loss of function for the patient by limiting motion and contact with the affected area.  Neuromas can occur after trauma and even after surgery in any region in the body since most areas have nerve fibers providing feeling. Painful neuromas are common after amputations in the hand and upper extremity (arm) and in the lower extremity (leg)”.

I explain it in a simple and less wordy way. It is a big ball of tightly intertwined nerves.  Mine is protruding from the bottom right side of my residual limb.  When it is touched or pressed on, the sensation can be extremely painful.  Even in a resting position, my “foot” (the bottom of my residual limb actually feels like my foot) constantly feels like it is asleep.  I have constant pins and needles, although most of the time it is tolerable.

This is my limb.  You can see there is a prominent bulge on the right side.  That is the neuroma.


Right side with the neuroma

Right side with the neuroma

Left side - smooth with no neuroma

Left side – smooth with no neuroma



In this picture, the nerve looks like a Q-Tip. The end “ball” is the neuroma.


In this photo, the rectangular shape at the end is the neuroma.

The thing with my neuroma is I had no idea what it was in the beginning.  No one warned me that “Neuromas are found in more than 90% of lower extremity amputations, of which 30-50% are pain-generating for the patient” (according to the U.S. National Institutes of Health – Clinical Trials). It is important to note that according to ACPOC:  “Not every amputation neuroma is painful. Postoperative percussion of an amputated nerve end causes local pain and exaggerates painful phantom in the anatomic zone of the nerve. Gradually, the neuroma becomes more tolerable, provided that excessive stimulation from persistent traction or pressure does not occur”  When I first started feeling the tingling in my “foot”, the doctor told me it was a normal feeling and nothing to worry about.  So, for 3 1/2 years, I was under the impression that all amputees walked around with tingling or pins and needles in their residual limb. Finally, after several visits to see my Prosthetist (Rich Wall – Hanger Clinic in Bellevue, WA) because I was having problems with my socket fitting comfortably, Rich suggested it may be a neuroma.This was over a year ago.

Now, you would think it would be easy to go see a doctor and have it diagnosed and taken care of, right?  Not even close!  Apparently, not many doctors are willing to take on a patient that has the bone issues I do and even fewer are willing to take on an amputee with bone issues.  I am not willing to bounce around from doctor to doctor.  I wanted to find a new doctor to replace my surgeon who retired (he did every one of my surgeries, including the amputation from 2001 – 2011).  I know I will need knee replacement and probably several other surgeries and I want a doctor who will be with me through them all.  With Rich’s help, I found a doctor who would see me.  My appointment was last week and I got good news and bad news.  The good news was he was willing to take me on as a patient….the bad news was he was willing to take me on for everything EXCEPT the amputation site and the neuroma.  Then, he gave me more good news.  He would refer me to a local doctor who was very well-known and specialized in amputations.  Then, more bad news.  He is so highly regarded that the first appointment I was able to get with him is December 1st.  That is 4 1/2 months away!

After researching the subject to see if there was anything I could do while I wait, I was surprised to see how many ways there are to treat a neuroma!  There are three routes you can take:  Non-medicine, medicine and surgery.

Non-medication options include (according to the Amputee Coalition of America):

  • Ultrasound, which is essentially a machine that uses sound waves to generate heat within a body part; it can help increase blood flow so that inflammation and swelling can be decreased
  • Massage, which also helps decrease inflammation and helps desensitize your residual limb to touch
  • Vibration, which creates a mild shaking to contract muscles, to decrease inflammation and pain
  • Percussion/finger tapping at the point of pain, which also helps desensitize your residual limb
  • Acupuncture, manipulating thin, solid needles that have been inserted into specific acupuncture points in the skin
  • TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation), which produces a mild “pins and needles” sensation, overriding some of the pain that your body is producing.

Modifying the prosthesis socket to prevent rubbing at the sensitive part of your limb may also be helpful.

I have not tried ultrasound, TENS or acupuncture. Massage, vibration and finger tapping takes the edge off and makes it a little more bearable for me.  Unfortunately, the relief stops when the rubbing or tapping stop, so unless I plan on spending the rest of my life in a chair rubbing my leg, these are not viable options.  Rich has modified the socket for me by putting an indent onside the socket to prevent rubbing.

This is a look into my socket from above.

This is a look into my socket from above. You can see what looks like black scuff marks on the left side (as you look at the photo). That is where he made an indentation for the neuroma to sit.

A close up view of the indentation.

A close up view of the indentation.

Because neuromas are made up of nerve endings, possible treatments include medications that help with nerve pain, such as:

  • Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory medications
  • Specific antidepressants and anticonvulsants that have been found to be effective for nerve pain
  • Steroid injections.

I have tried several medications, including over the counter anti-inflammatory medications; Gabapentin (Neurontin) which is a medication used to treat certain types of nerve pain and multiple pain medications. I discovered that using an Icy Hot roll-on and covering the neuroma area helps to dull the pain to the point of being tolerable.  I recently found a “recipe” for blend of essential oils that do the same thing that Icy Hot does, but works a little better.

The final option is surgery, which we believe is what I will need do to the size, location and severity.

This picture shows the most sensitive and most tolerant areas.  Of course, I am in the sensitive area.

This picture shows the most sensitive and most tolerant areas. Of course, I am in the sensitive area.

The surgical procedure seems fairly simple and straight-forward. According to Massachusetts General Hospital, “The neuroma is then excised, and the nerve is placed in an area in the deeper tissues where it will not receive frequent direct stimulation (from pressure or contact) during normal activities. Often, medications are used in conjunction with surgical treatment to modulate the body’s response to the neuroma pain. This often enhances the effects of surgery”.  ACPOC states: “Complete revision of the amputation stump can be avoided if the nerves are not adherent to bone or do not show excessive involvement in the terminal scar. Mobilization of the flaps can be avoided by isolating the nerves about 3 inches proximal to the end of the stump and resecting a 1 cm segment from each nerve.This technique has been successful in eliminating the painful neuromata in both below-elbow and below-knee amputation stumps”.

Unfortunately, since I cannot even get an appointment until December, I most likely will not receive any treatment until after the first of the year. That means months of discomfort and even pain.  I would love to blame the doctor that told me it was normal……or the doctors who refused to take me on as a patient….or the medications that didn’t work, but the bottom line is I can only blame myself.  I knew there was something wrong, but I didn’t pursue it or get a second opinion until it was really too late.  If you only take one thing away from today’s blog, let it be LISTEN TO YOUR BODY!  I have said it over and over and yet, I second guessed myself. I am not just saying this to amputees.  Everyone needs to be become their own best advocate! No one knows your body better than you do.  If you are not comfortable with what a doctor tells you, do not be afraid to get a second opinion.  I can’t help but wonder how much pain and trouble I could have saved myself if I had gotten one.

If you are an amputee and have lots of discomfort around your socket, have tingling or pins and needle feelings or anything that just doesn’t feel right.  Talk to your doctor and prosthetist ASAP!

As always, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day.

Lindsey’s Story

This woman is amazing! She is smart, beautiful and has a sense of humor that may be more warped and twisted than mine! We met on Pinterest of all places and became fast friends on Facebook. I feel blessed to know her. Lindsey, from the United Kingdom, is a make-up, airbrush and nail artist who also happens to be a bilateral below the knee amputee.

lindsey sitting

Lindsey was on IV antibiotics for 4 years as she battled a bone infection in both of her feet. After discovering that the infection was not getting any better, she chose to amputate her right leg in April of 2012 and her left leg followed in August of 2012. After the amputations, Lindsey wore cosmeses (“flesh” covering) on her legs. Just before Show Your Mettle Day last year, she told me that she had been thinking a lot about WHY she was covering her metal and decided to have the cosmeses removed.

This was one of Lindsey's cosmesis covered prosthetic legs.

This was one of Lindsey’s cosmesis covered prosthetic legs.

Lindsey recently told me, “I’ve been showing my metal since May 2013 and it feels great! Since stripping the cosmeses off I have been like a new woman! More confident and kick ass than before!

lindsey chair

lindsey Family

I LOVE this picture of Lindsey in her custom-made "stump warmers"

I LOVE this picture of Lindsey in her custom made “stump warmers”

My first Grandson, Oscar was born shortly after my first amputation and I look after him whilst my daughter and son-in-law are at work. He keeps me on my toes! I am a peer mentor at my local hospital and love meeting with amputees new and old, sharing stories, alleviating fears and smoothing the way. I’m so very fortunate that I met you Lisa, you have helped me through so much of my journey and are a constant inspirational to me and so many others”.

lindsey boardwalk

And I am honored to have people like Lindsey, who help make my journey easier as well.

As always, thank you for allowing me to be part of your day!

Bill’s Story

The stories I have posted so far, are all people who have started off as readers and have become friends. These people and their stories remind me that I am not alone and I am not the only one who has had to face pain, suffering, trauma and self-doubt. Bill is another person who started as a reader way back at the start of my blog. He is another shining example of strength and perseverance. Below, Bill shares his story.


I am from the eastern shore of Maryland, a little town called Denton. I had a total of three knee replacements. After the first one, my bone started to deteriorate so the doctors had to do a second knee replacement. That lasted about two (2) years and then the components came loose, so they did a third one. Ok, so then the third knee replacement got infected! At that point, the doctors said I had three (3) options.

The first option was, I could simply live with the infection. Haha! Like that was a real option, aye? The second option was, I could have a rod put in my knee and I would be stiff-legged, which meant I would not be able to ride my scooters. Plus, there was no guarantee that the infection would not come back. So, that was not really much of an option either. Then they said that the last option would be to amputate. I had already pretty much decided to tell them to take my leg because I was sick of all the operations and pain I had been through, so that option seemed like the only one. On October 13, 2010, away it went and I became an above the knee amputee.


I started riding my scooter about 4 short months after they took my leg. I have been very lucky I have only had one small bout with depression and that was just a little bit….about 30 minutes…and I was done with that. I have struggled with trying to get a leg to fit right and feel right but so far that has not happened, so I still use crutches to walk. Other then that I am doing well. I am happy that I get up every day.


As always, thank you for allowing me to be part of your day!

Trevor’s Story

April is Limb Loss Awareness month.  Over the past two years, I have met some amazing people who started out as readers, shared their stories with me and eventually, became dear friends.  Trevor Montgomery has not only become my friend, but my hero and inspiration as well.  This is Trevor’s story in his own, unedited words, written April 14th of this year.



Today is a very difficult, bittersweet day for me and my family. Today is the day my life changed so drastically eight years ago and my life has truly never been the same since.

On this exact day, at this exact hour, April 14th 2006, I was with my family and several other families on a week long camping/riding trip at the Calico Ghost Town off the 15 freeway near Barstow. During the first hour of the first day we arrived my life and my body were shattered in a way I have still yet to fully recover from.

While taking a break from riding OHV’s with my children, I inadvertently stepped into an abandoned, unmarked 4′ x 5′ mine ventilation shaft in the ground that dropped over 90 feet to a ledge, where my broken and battered body landed and came to rest.

Over the next 10 1/2 hours I layed at the bottom of that mine shaft, assessing my injuries, wondering if I would ever be rescued, thinking about what kind of future might lay ahead of me. From my decade working as an orthopedic specialist in the Army, I knew I had broken my back. My left foot was nearly completely severed and I knew I was paralyzed. I had also broken dozens of bones in my feet, ankles, legs, ribs shoulders and much more. As I lay there, broken, battered and clinging to life in the pitch black of that hole, I wondered if I would ever see my wife Robin or my children again, who even back then numbered nine at the time.

Thankfully I was successfully rescued after three different mine rescue teams were flown in from around the state. the rescue alone took nearly two hours. Once rescued I was taken to Loma Linda Hospital, where I lived for four months while recovering from my grievous injuries. After more surgeries than I care to recall, countless doctors and surgeons began the process of trying to explain to me that between the fact that I had broken my back in four places and suffered severe spinal cord injuries as well as the fact I had sustained a traumatic brain injury, their prognosis was that I would never walk again, nor lead any semblance of a normal life. Every time a doctor would say this my wife would angrily and quite physically throw each and every one out of my room and ban them from ever returning. Let me tell you, we went through a whole lot of doctors that first year.

Four months later, I came home as a paraplegic, pushed into my newly transformed “handicapable” home in my wheelchair by family and friends and I assumed that was to be the new life God had given me. I accepted my fate the best I could, but depression, frustration, furious anger, drug-induced confusion, long days and even longer nights were what lay ahead of me those first ten months. The pain was unbelievable and my poor broken body caused me more pain, grief and suffering than I had ever thought possible. Learning to re-live life as a paraplegic, my body seemed to be working against me at every possibility. I was on nearly 30 different oral medications as well as multiple I.V. antibiotics and medications. Robin became my full time nurse, caretaker and provider and life as we knew it seemed like a long lost distant memory. Thankfully, it turned out it wasn’t.

Just ten months after my accident, I realized I was starting to sense movement in one of my toes. My new goal in life was set and I was like a man possessed. I was GOING to walk again. I spent every moment of every day doing every amount of in-home physical therapy I could muster the strength to do. I would lay awake at night working around the clock at forcing my brain to make the reconnections necessary in my damaged nerves and spinal cord to be able to someday rejoin the “real” world and the actual living.

In July 2007, just 15 months after my terrible accident, I returned back to work full time as a sheriff investigator. I had impossibly beaten the odds and proven to every doctor that miracles could and do happen. I was on cloud 9 and nothing in the world could have brought me down or slowed my progress. Or so I thought. Unfortunately, just nine months after returning back to work, repeated bouts with MRSA and bone infections caused my left foot and ankle to completely collapse and I ended up having the first of what would be two separate amputations of my left leg. First at the below knee level in 2008 and then again later in 2013 at the above knee level. Additionally, in 2011 my spinal fusion, which doctors had used to repair my destroyed back completely failed, causing me an additional 15 months down in bed, first waiting for and then recovering from yet another, much larger and stronger spinal fusion. From September 2011 through December of 2012, it would be 15 full months before I would have the opportunity to be up and out of bed again.

Nowadays, I still deal with severe back pain and gastrointestinal/bowel issues related to the injuries and problems from my original spinal cord injury. Some days I feel it is all I can do to hold on for the better days that I can barely keep faith might someday show themselves again.

However now, eight long years later, I can honestly say despite all I have gone through I am the happiest I have been in nearly a decade. In spite of everything, I am actually healthier (most days) than I ever was before and I finally feel like my life is slowly inching closer back to the normalcy I so desire and miss.

In spite of it all, I have learned to accept myself and I actually love who I have become since my accident. I feel I have truly learned to love both myself as well as my life and my family. I am far more optimistic nowadays and I find much more true joy in the small blessings in life. In spite of all the bad things that have happened over the last decade, I feel as if I have grown leaps and bounds as a person, a husband, a father and a friend. I truly hope and pray I have gotten through the absolute worst parts of my lengthy recovery, however regardless what God allows me to endure I now know I can overcome any obstacle.

I now have 13 children who call me dad, each of whom I love dearly and I have three grand babies I absolutely adore and never otherwise would have gotten to meet. If things go well and if I get my way, I might even soon be re-joining the ranks of my fellow law enforcement officers, although never again in the full capacity I used to provide, and that is OK… is all a process of constant change and hopefully positive growth. I have learned to embrace my injuries and limitations and more importantly, I have found a new way to love my life and all those in it again. I ALMOST feel like I am actually living again. I am close and getting ever closer.

For those of you who live with my mood swings and medical issues yet still love me, you are saints. Each and every one of you. For those of you who follow my daily dramas and rants, comment or laugh with me at my posts and listen to my (hopefully only occasional) bitching, I love and appreciate each and every one of you. For those who argue with all my posts and offer a diametrically opposing point of view from my own, I thank you for helping to re-sharpen my mind and thought processes after years of letting my brain turn to mush from taking the worst, most hardcore and toxic meds you would never want to have to absorb into your system.

It has truly been a very long eight years. But thankfully I feel have come a long way even though I still have a long way to go.

Having a strong support system is as important as having a great prosthetist or surgeon - Trevor definitely has one

Having a strong support system is as important as having a great prosthetist or surgeon – Trevor definitely has one


Thank you Trevor for sharing your story.  I will be posting more inspirational amputees’ stories this month, along with some other information to help educate people abut limb loss.

As always, thank you for allowing me to be part of your day!

Life is Like Vegas

I had every intention of writing this a few weeks ago, but I ended up really sick and in bed for 15 days!  My goodness, it seems to be a rough year for all the amputees I know!  I am interested to hear if it has been for you as well.

On March 19th, Michael and I caught a red-eye to Las Vegas for an extended weekend getaway.  This was a huge trip for me and I was so excited to come home and share it with you! You see, the last time we were in Vegas was three years before (February of 2011) and the difference between the two trips was night and day!

In December of 2010, I had what would be my 19th and final surgery to attempt to fix my ankle.  I had my artificial ankle (the second one) removed and my ankle fused.  I was still in a cast up to my knee and spent the majority of the trip in a wheelchair.  The trip started of on a bad note before we even left Seattle.  I was wheeled through security and they did the standard test of my chair and cast for explosive residue.  Michael was already through security waiting for me.  Imagine my surprise when out of nowhere, I had a half-dozen security people surrounding me!  It turns out my cast tested positive for the explosive residue.  Obviously, as they started questioning me and talking about removing my cast, I was in a bit of a panic and searching for Michael, whom they refused to let back to me.  Finally, a man who I assumed was the supervisor came over.  He looked at me in the chair, tears rolling down my face and insisted they bring Michael to me immediately.  He bent down to my level (everyone else stood, looking down at me) and very quietly asked, “Does your foot get really dry from your cast?”  I was a little confused, but nodded yes.  Then he asked, “Do you put lotion on it?”  Again, I shook my head yes, still having no idea where he was going.  Finally he asked, “Is your lotion from Bath and Body Works?”  Michael and I looked at each other, totally confused, but I answered, “Um, yes it is”.  The man then said, “Let this poor woman go!”  He explained to me that Bath and Body Works lotion gave a false positive reading quite often and he was unsure why.  He had someone rush us to our flight and I have NEVER worn lotion when I travelled since!

Once we got to Vegas, we realized it may have been a mistake for a vacation.  Poor Michael had to push my chair up and down the strip.  We tried to see shows, but it was difficult to get seating for the chair and crutches were too much trouble to bring along.  I couldn’t even gamble, because the tables were too high and there was no place to put the chair.  I spent all my time in the casino at the slots, which I don’t really like, wishing I could play Blackjack. We couldn’t go to the pool because my cast was so hot and couldn’t get wet. Even going to exhibits and the wax museum were a bit of a bust because everything is at standing eye level, not sitting eye level! Michael ended up needing naps everyday because he was so exhausted from pushing me everywhere. I was miserable.  He was miserable.  Yes, there was some fun, but for the most part it was just more trouble than it was worth!

Fast forward three years and the trip was completely different from the last one!  Michael had to actually convince me to take a cab a few times!  I was walking everywhere!  We didn’t have to look for elevators and could go anywhere we wanted.  We had amazing 5th row, center seats for The Blueman Group.  We went to the Bodies Exhibit and I actually got to see everything at eye level!  I played Blackjack with the best of them (and yes, I left Vegas ahead).  I felt a new sense of freedom while we were there.  I was no longer limited.  I also got to do something I was unable to do the last time.  We stayed at Paris and I was able to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower.  Last time, I couldn’t go because it was too difficult to navigate the wheelchair in the tight spot at the top! I even got to spend the day at the pool AND go in the water.  It was the same Las Vegas, but in a totally different light.  I saw it at eye-level or looking down, not looking UP at everything and everyone and we had so much fun!


Do not get me wrong, Vacations can still be difficult and I still get frustrated with my leg sometimes….I even have meltdowns.  As a matter-of-fact, I had one Sunday.  I couldn’t get my leg to lock into place and kept stomping it like a kid having a tantrum.  Michael looked at me and said, “are you ok honey?”  My response was something along the lines of (and imagine this said as one very fast, long, loud word) , “no this stupid leg won’t go on I am going to fall on my face I hate it and I don’t want to spend the rest of my freaking life living like this don’t smirk at me you don’t know what this is like it sucks it sucks so much and I hate it and it’s not fair and I just want my leg back”!!!!!!  Michael (very wisely) said nothing.  Ten minutes later I apologized and said, “I’m better now” and went about my day.

I recently have heard about experiences many of you are going through, that four-limbers cannot even fathom!  These trials we go through as amputees may not always seem fair and they try on our patience and our strength, but we are warriors.  We have been through worse and made our way through.  Stay strong my friends and know you are not alone.  There is a community of us behind you.  The frustration will never fully go away.  We will all continue to have our melt-down moments, but if you are a new amputee, I can guarantee, those moments will get fewer and shorter.  You too, will be given back a life filled with adventure.  Life is like Vegas; you need to gamble and even lose once or twice, in order to walk away with more than you started with.

As always, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day!

****By the way April is Limb Loss Awareness month – HUG your favorite amputee!  Also, if you are an amputee, please email your story and some pictures to me if you would like to be included in my blog this year about other amputees!

Does God Really Give Us Only What We Can Handle?

Oh my goodness!  It has been entirely too long!  I have no excuse except, “life keeps life-ing”.  Actually, I have been, as my mother used to say, “in a mood” for a while.  You know that saying about God only giving you what you can handle?  Well the big guy and I needed to have a little sit down and discuss the difference between what I CAN handle and what I AM WILLING to handle!  I seriously feel like I have had my share of health drama….I am over it….and yet it continues. (Yes, I will be talking about God today).

I have been truly lucky with the amputation, and sometimes, I feel like I have no right to complain. There are people out there that have had it so much worse than me.  The surgery was flawless, I rarely get phantom pain, I walk great, I didn’t have to go through any physical therapy and I am actually happy with the decision to amputate…most of the time.  I have developed a  neuroma on the bottom right side of my residual limb.  According to, a neuroma is:

1: a tumor or mass growing from a nerve and usually consisting of nerve fibers

2: a mass of nerve tissue in an amputation stump resulting from abnormal regrowth of the stumps of severed nerves—called also amputation neuroma

A neuroma in a below the knee amputee

A neuroma in a below the knee amputee

According to, “The stump neuroma is a natural and expected occurrence after nerve injury. When damaged, the proximal nerve segment attempts to regenerate, leading to a bulb-shaped thickening or stump”.  Basically, during the amputation, the nerves are severed with the leg. They regenerate quickly and can create a cluster of nerve cells that shoot off in multiple directions instead of in a straight line, which can cause mixed signals about sensation, which can cause the stump to be extremely sensitive to any touch, no matter how light.   Every time my prosthesis hits the neuroma just right (which is frequently), pain occurs.  Most of the time, the pain is tolerable, a 5 or so on a scale of 1-10, like the pins and needles feeling when your foot falls asleep.  However, it has gotten so intense that it has actually made me cry.

The nerve does not run straight up and down.  The neuroma is on the side, but the nerve actually runs on an angle and goes behind the knee.  That is usually where the pain is the worst.  It feels like someone is stabbing me behind the leg, where it bends.  I have actually had this happen while I driving on the freeway (three different times).  The pain got so bad that I had to pull off on the shoulder and take my leg off.  I have also had it happen in yoga class and in the grocery store.  In January, I started going to the gym.  I have been limited to what I can do because of this stupid neuroma.  This has defeated the purpose of the amputation, as I am back to worrying if I will be able to do my normal activity without pain.

My Prosthetist, Rich, who is truly amazing, has been working non-stop with me to try to resolve the problem.  We tried shaving out a small indent in the socket, so the neuroma didn’t hit, but that didn’t work.  We decided to start from scratch and make a new socket.  We tried three test sockets (I think).  The first two, the fit was so off, that I didn’t even leave with it.  The third one was fine when I left, but within a few hours, I could barely walk due to the pain.  I ended up removing the test socket myself and using the old one.  Rich went above and beyond and found a brand new liner.  It is a bit thicker and much softer (it was also designed to stay cooler).  We decided to try the liner and recast over that.  Of course the liner is on back-order.  We having been messing with this for over a month, trying to  fix this problem without medical intervention.  Now, I do not know what all of these treatments are (or what some of the words mean) but I am pretty sure that a better fitting socket is much better than:  injection therapy, sterotactic radiosurgery, fractionated sterotactic radiosurgery, radiotheraphy, surgical removal or steroids – oral or injected (which is seriously counterproductive, considering I lost my leg, which lead to the neuroma, from the use of steroids for a medical condition).  THANK YOU to the best Prosthetist ever, for doing everything in your power to help me try to avoid these “cures”!

So, while dealing with this stupid neuroma and already being insanely frustrated, let’s add another medical scare.  I found a lump in my breast and went in for a mammogram.  Of course, because of the location, the mammogram turned up clean.  I was sent in for an ultrasound.  Nothing was found.  I insisted something was there.  The Ultrasound tech got the doctor, who eventually found a mass and scheduled me for a biopsy.  I was a little nervous, but not too much.  There is no history of any type of cancer in my family.  Plus, as one of my good friends said, “you already lost a leg, God is not going to take a boob too.”  Anyway, I went in for the biopsy and because I am a “go big or go home” kind of girl, it had to be something (I the doctor’s expert medical opinion) “weird”.  It turns out, the mass that showed up on the ultrasound is NOT where the lump is and the lump does not show up on the ultrasound.  They biopsied the mass they could find (which came back negative, thank God), but I still have to go see a surgeon about the lump.  I know it is probably going to be nothing to worry about, but seriously, can I have ONE YEAR that I do not have surgery, have to go to a hospital or have a slew of medical tests??

I have done a lot of searching and praying and thinking and throwing tantrums and crying and you know what I have come up with?  I do not believe (my) God “gives me only what I can handle”.  I do not believe God “gives me” anything.  I believe life happens.  People get sick.  They lose jobs, have babies, lose loved ones, get married….all of it.  God helps us get through each situation that life throws at us.  I do not think (my) God is someone who would intentionally make people go through pain.  I believe he helps us get through our struggles.  I believe he puts people in our lives at the exact time we need them.  For example, I recently became friends with one of the mom’s at Lauren’s school.  We instantly clicked.  Guess what?  She was an Oncology Nurse and walked me through everything I would experience with the biopsy and helped me afterward.  I have several friends that came into my life at the perfect moment.  I believe (my) God did that.

I will continue through these new medical issues as I have with all the others.  I will rely on my family and friends to pick me up when I am down.  I will pray.  I will probably have a few (more) melt-downs and I will do it all with as much grace and dignity as I can manage.

I want you all to know how much I appreciate all of my readers….the ones who have been with me from day one and the ones who are just joining me on my journey.  Thank you for allowing me to be part of your day!

‘Tis the Season?

Hello all!  I hope you had a very happy Thanksgiving.  Mine was wonderful!   I spent mine with Michael, our kids, our future son-in-law and my brother-in-law…and of course I cooked enough for three times that many!

Like many of you, I have always gone a bit overboard with the holidays!  I cook too much…bake too much…shop too much and EAT too much!  Unfortunately, due to surgeries and pain, that little tradition of mine slowly dwindled until it completely ended somewhere around 2009.  I was just in too much pain to stand on my feet for hours cooking and I had to do the majority of my shopping trips using a cane or a wheelchair – neither of which is conducive to power shopping! November of 2010, I had a failed artificial ankle that was being removed the day after Christmas.  I was almost immobile and could not participate in my holiday rituals.  On November 15, 2011, I had my amputation.  This put me in bed for Thanksgiving and heavily medicated and legless for the holiday season.  I hit a massive depression and cried A LOT….and then something wonderful happened!  Santa brought me a new leg for Christmas!

Because I refused to settle on anything but the best, I ended up with something that looked like it came straight out of a Sci-Fi movie. The socket was a deep black carbon fiber and the foot was a Motion Foot from Motion Control.  I chose this foot because I was told, “The Motion Foot is a unique hydraulic foot and ankle system with a natural-range of ankle movement. Natural motion adjusts to slopes, various heel heights, and sitting with feet flat. Fully adjustable for nearly all levels of activity, the manual lock prevents unwanted movement in situations like driving, climbing ladders, or putting on shoes” (of course this foot was not available with a split toe for wearing flip-flops, but as we all know, that did not stop me and I now have a split toe).

It took me a little while to get used to feel of the socket around my calf and the pull of the weight. It was big and bulky and extremely awkward.  I cried a lot.  I threw tantrums even more.  I made the decision to never, ever wear a prosthesis and to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair or on crutches.  My family, always supportive, told me to stop being such a baby, get over it, move on and be happy that I was not in pain anymore.  Yes, they really did….and I am glad, because that is EXACTLY what I did.

Since then, I feel like I am on fast forward and making up for years of lost time!  I was on my feet for 8 hours straight on Thanksgiving, cooking like I have not cooked in years!  Then, I was up at 2:30 in the morning and did Black Friday power shopping until 10:30 in the morning – I quit because I was exhausted, but my legs were still ready to go.  I have been cooking, cleaning and decorating like a mad-woman and do not seem to ever sit during the day. I even started up a part-time business, selling Pampered Chef products, which involves standing in a kitchen for several hours-something I never would have CONSIDERED prior to surgery!  I feel like I stepped out of the opening credits of the 70’s show, “The Six Million Dollar Man”. (To paraphrase) they rebuilt me; they have the technology.  They made me “better, faster, stronger”.

I am certainly not saying that I am at 100% or that it is always easy.  Of course there are times that it is difficult.  There are times that there is pain…both real and phantom, and some times emotional.  However, the benefits far outweigh the negatives.  I worked very hard at learning how to utilize my prosthesis to the very best of my ability.  I learned to ask questions, to try new things and to see failure as a chance to try again, not as an excuse to quit…and you can too.

‘Tis the season for gratitude and miracles….be grateful and be a miracle.

As always, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day.
**Note:  The rave review I gave Motion Foot and the quotes about it were not a paid advertisement.  I have not, nor I ever advertise on this site.  You trust me to be 100% honest and real and I will continue to honor that!